“Twas The Night

A little something that I whipped up last night after dinner, to celebrate Christmas MY way… 

First Published 24 DEC 2013, on Beautiful Monstrosity’s Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/beautifulmonstrositymag)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home

A feeling of dread was stirring, one that chilled to the bone.

The stockings, once hung by the chimney with care,

Were hanging in tatters, their contents everywhere.


The children, once nestled all snug in their beds,

Screamed at the sight of their parents, sans heads.

For, mere moments sooner, Jason had appeared

And impaled them both with a Christmas tree spear.


They all turned to run, to flee Death standing there,

But Freddy stood behind them, a different nightmare.

With knife-hand, at their bellies cruel Krueger did slash,

Cutting Billy into ribbons while away the rest did dash.


They covered their ears, as in a closet they hid –

No banshee ever wailed like poor Billy just did.

Michael heard their sobbing, their whimpers of fear,

And was almost upon then when Ash did appear.


With chainsaw in one hand, in the other, boom-stick,

Through clenched teeth he hissed, “Come get some, you pri___.”

“Hardware’s my department, Ashley is my name…

I’ve had it with you screwheads, now prepare for pain!”


Michael first stepped forward; he’d made his decision

He’d give this loud upstart a fatal incision.

From the top of his head to the bottom of his b____,

He’d cut out his guts and hang them from the walls.


Ash sneered at Mister Meyers, and spit in his eye

Then took careful aim and let both hammers fly.

The white closet door became covered in goo

As from the head of Mchael his brain matter blew.


The exhaust from his chainsaw came out in a poof

As it ripped through the tendons, sending Mike’s head aloof.

As Ashley stood up, and was turning around,

Krueger was upon on him with one single bound.


Ash stumbled at first, then spun on one foot

And sent Freddy Boy flying into the fireplace’s soot.

Mr. Krueger leapt forward for another attack

But Ash was much quicker and shot him in the back.


Revving up his chainsaw, Brave Ash did not tarry

He cut Krueger into tiny pieces to bury.

And while the children did watch this scene filled with woe,

Ashley opened the window and tossed them in the snow.


“Hey Voorhees,” Ashley called, through tightly-clenched teeth

“I’m gonna nail your a__ to the door like a wreath.”

Jason eyed Mr. Hardware, this arrogant nelly,

And slashed with his machete at Ash’s belly.


Ashley side-stepped the blow – he could handle himself

And kicked Jason so hard he smashed the children’s bookshelf.

“Have you had enough, you ugly screwhead?”

Ashley taunted Mr. Voorhees, who then shook his head.


He spoke not a word, but again slashed at this jerk

But Ashley was ready, and put his chainsaw to work.

With expert precision, the saw’s blade then rose

And Asley stuffed it were no chainsaw ever goes.


As Jason lay dying, impaled by this missle

Ash smiled a bit, then to the kids gave a whistle.

While they stood there, trembling at this harrowing sight

King Ashley said “Groovy”, then walked out into the night.